Back on the Wagon….ish!

Long time no see……again! The good news – I am doing really well with consistently logging all food on myfitnesspal and I mean ALL food. No matter how bad it is or how much it takes me over my allocated calories. I haven’t had a weigh in since I started my consistent logging and I don’t intent to for a little while. This is about developing a healthy habit as opposed to getting fixated on the weightloss. Logging makes me stop when otherwise I would have just carried on with a massive binge and so far this has meant that I have not gone over my weekly calories that I would need to maintain my weight as it is. Anything less than this and I should lose; slowly, but a loss at that and for now that will do. Habits, habits, habits!

Habit Update

Still going strong! Not one day of breakfast missed! Slight downside, I have put on 2lbs. I have a number of other possible reasons for this, I have started a new contraceptive pill, I weighed myself the morning after I had done exercise the night before (water retention???), I have also started making sure I eat lunch every day (only a healthy wrap though:- 1 wrap, table spoon of low fat houmous, two slices wafer thin ham, lettuce leaves). Other than the addition of breakfast and lunch I haven’t changed my eating in any other way. I am not giving up on my new habits though as I believe thay are both healthy ones. I need to introduce a new habit to combat this one I think. I’m still not ready for the introduction of regular exercise, I need lots more practise with the habit breaking/forming needed before I tackle that one. I think the new habit will be tracking what I eat on myfitnesspal. I find I naturally restrict my intake if I am tracking and I’m more aware of what I am eating therefore I won’t be able to make excuses like the ones above! So, 5 minutes a day, tracking on myfitnesspal, everyday. Thats it. New habit!

Reasons That I Eat

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I have narrowed it down to the following:

1. I’m bored
2. I’m watching TV – usually linked with number 1
3. I’m lonely – usually linked with numbers 1 and 2
4. I’m hungry
5. I’m celebrating
6. I’m commiserating/upset
7. An event – very much linked to numbers 4 and 5
8. I’m tempted by nice food or people with/without nice food – can be sometimes linked to numbers 5, 6 and 7
9. Other ‘unknown’ reasons

So what mind blowing, insightful, lightbulb moment conclusions can I come to from that?….I’M AN EMOTIONAL EATER!….yeah, no shit Sherlock! I know this. I have always known this, but that changes nothing. Knowing that you behave in a particular way and for a particular reason doesn’t suddenly mean you’re going to change that behaviour. Of all of those reasons, numbers 1 and 2 annoy me the most.

I love TV like you wouldn’t believe. I could literally sit on the sofa all day and not move if my imaginary, perfect day of TV viewing was scheduled (and yes, I have actually thought about what the perfect day of TV viewing would include!). This simple fact makes me also hate TV at the same time. So much of my life is spent staring at that black rectangle in the living room and I am pretty sure it is sapping my brain of intelligence. I know for a fact it’s a big factor in my increasing body mass as watching TV then often results in number 1 on the list so I end up eating; but it’s like a drug. I often get to a stage where watching the TV begins to annoy me or that I realise I am bored with watching but rather than switch it off, I channel surf in the hope of finding something different. This is stupid destructive behaviour and I know it is so why the hell can’t I stop?! I think a little part of me is scared that if I switch the TV off I won’t have anything to fill my time with. Now this is sort of true as I don’t feel I have many hobbies or activities at the moment that I could just ‘dip into’ when I am bored or have some free time. Ou! I can feel another list brewing……a list of things to do when bored. If anything, writing it will kill 20 minutes or so!
I have had three not so good days of eating the last few days, however I have religiously tracked them on MyFitnessPal and on one of those days I did at least do some exercise, although not enough to level out my calorific indulgences. I have also started some toning exercise in the form of Davina McCall’s Power of Three work out mixed in with the bedroom based elliptical trainer. The big news this week though is a total weight loss of 4lbs so far! Very chuffed that it’s all heading in the right direction. I have also fallen back in love with porridge these last few days. Especially good with chopped up banana or cinnamon apple and raisin cereal toppers from Tesco. Today I got back on track. Exercise this morning and good eating thus far. Maybe I’m on my way to stopping the cycle of diet -fall off wagon-don’t get back on wagon-put weight back on-put more weight on. I feel the last three days has been me not so much falling off the wagon but maybe sat at the back dangling my legs off the edge daring myself to jump completely. Well screw you wagon, I clambered back on!

Things I have Learnt Vol 1 – Log Calories First….Then Eat :-(

Today I discovered a new taste sensation. I absolutely love peanut butter and jam on toast but today I tried it with sliced banana on top for breakfast. Jesus, it was like the peanut butter and the banana were having sex in my mouth! Amazing! I was just revelling in those tender ‘post sex’ moments and simultaneously logging my amazing new creation into MyFitnessPal when BAM! There is was, my god like breakfast had cost me  777 calories. I shit you not. Now, I’m not stupid (well I don’t think I am anyway) and I am pretty well versed in calories, fat, nutrition and all that jazz but 369 calories for the peanut butter! Bloody hell. I mean, I knew it wasn’t going to be the lowest fat or calorie food in the world but I seriously didn’t think it would be this much. So I figure this leaves me with a number of future options:

1. Give up peanut butter. Not a cat in hells chance, I bloody love it.
2. Reduce the amount. I am quite fussy about the amount of peanut butter on the slice of toast so this is going to have to involve just one slice as opposed to reducing the amount of peanut over two slices. That’s a hard thing for me, as it is for any other big eater like myself. We all know that toast MUST under all circumstances come in pairs! Ok so maybe this isn’t strictly true and it is more likely that I am going to have to change a habit of a lifetime.
3. Find a low-fat/lower calorie alternative. This is definitely something I am going to get on to but I don’t think there is a peanut butter out there that will reduce it enough for me to afford this amount in my diet.
4. Deal with it and eat less on the other meals and exercise more. This is probably a good long term solution but poses the problem that if I eat this much then it means no other snacks or treats for the rest of the day.

For the immediate future i.e. today then I will be following option 4. For the long term future? Probably option 2 and 3 in combination are probably the best.

Other exciting (not really!) aspects of my life today have been seeing my school kiddies get their GCSE results. Some tears, happy and sad, were shed. I was so proud of them all and will dearly miss them all next year when they move into the sixth form and I move to my new job. Teaching makes me feel old. When I think that the children in their first year of school that I taught in my first year of teaching have left school this year, wow, old fart! Where has that five years gone. More to the point, what have I got to show for it? A failed nearly-marriage (engaged 7 years and then he left 4 months before we were due to be married), a move to the other side of the country to live with an amazing man who I love to bits, three new jobs, new friends, colleagues. Whilst I am happy with these things, laid out on the page like that it doesn’t seem much……..nothing special really, just life happening. Maybe next year I can look at this and have a real sense of achievement. Maybe a promotion, starting a family, run a 5K…..maybe something amazing, who knows!

Phew, this was meant to be a quickie! Anyway, the cross trainer is calling, must burn off the peanut butter!